Boundary Issues in Teaching

There’s a quiet exhaustion that settles in when we spend our days giving more than we have to offer.

You know the feeling. That moment when you say yes, even as your body whispers no. When your chest tightens at yet another request. When sleep doesn’t restore you and rest feels like a luxury you haven’t quite earned.

If you’re a teacher, chances are this feeling is familiar. We are part of a profession built on giving—our time, our energy, our care. But somewhere along the way, we stopped giving from a place of fullness. And started giving from depletion.

Because for many of us, boundaries weren’t modelled. We were taught how to work hard. How to care deeply. How to persevere. But not how to protect the very energy that allows us to keep showing up.

Boundaries as a Way Back to Yourself

Boundaries are not barriers. They aren’t cold or selfish or rigid. They’re clarity. They’re kindness in action. They’re how we remain connected to ourselves while still offering care to others.

When we override our internal signals in the name of being helpful, liked, or “a good teacher,” the cost is subtle but deep. Chronic fatigue. Lingering resentment. A quiet sense of misalignment that becomes hard to name.

But there’s a gentler way to return to yourself.

Here are five quiet signs that your boundaries might be asking for attention—and some gentle ways to honour them.

1. You say “It’s fine” when it isn’t

This tiny phrase can become a habit—a soft-spoken shield to protect against discomfort or conflict.

“I’m fine.” “It’s no big deal.” “Don’t worry about it.”

Over time, these words can blur the line between genuine peace and silent frustration. Research on emotional suppression suggests we often default to these phrases to maintain harmony at the expense of truth (Gross & John, 2015).

But your feelings matter—even the inconvenient ones.

Try instead: Pause before responding. Ask yourself gently, What am I truly feeling right now? You don’t have to say it out loud. Naming it silently is a powerful act of self-connection.

2. You over-explain—even when no one asks

Sometimes we speak not just to express ourselves, but to justify our existence.

You say no, then quickly follow it up with a flood of reasons, trying to soften the blow. You want to be understood, to be liked, to avoid disappointing anyone.

But often, the urge to over-explain is a residue of old patterns—moments when being “too much” or “not enough” felt unsafe. As Tummala-Narra (2021) writes, this kind of people-pleasing often stems from early experiences where approval felt conditional.

Try instead: Ground yourself before you respond. Let your breath settle. Then, try a soft, clear no without the story. “Thanks for thinking of me. I won’t be able to.” Full stop. Full truth.

3. You feel uneasy when you rest

Rest should be restorative—but sometimes, it feels like guilt wrapped in stillness.

You sit down, only to start tallying tasks in your mind. You feel the need to earn your rest, to prove it’s deserved.

This unease is not personal—it’s cultural. In systems that prize output over presence, it’s easy to internalise the belief that our worth is tied to productivity (Kuntz, 2020). But your body wasn’t built to run on urgency alone.

Try instead: Reframe rest as nourishment. Let it become a form of quiet repair. Make space for small rituals—a slow morning stretch, a walk without your phone, a moment of stillness between lessons. Let these moments count.

4. You say yes, then quietly regret it

You meant well. You wanted to help. But now you feel the tension creep in.

This is often a sign that your boundaries were bypassed—not by someone else, but by the part of you that’s still learning to honour your limits.

Chronic “yes-ing” leads to emotional dissonance—a mismatch between our inner truth and outer behaviour. And over time, it contributes to burnout and fatigue (Friedman et al., 2018).

Try instead: Give yourself a pause. You don’t need to respond immediately. Try saying, “Can I get back to you? ”That moment of space is a doorway back to discernment.

5. You’re unsure if you’re being kind… or just afraid

Kindness is a beautiful value. But when it comes from fear—fear of rejection, of being seen as difficult, of creating waves—it becomes self-abandonment.

The Polyvagal Theory reminds us that a dysregulated nervous system will always prioritise perceived safety over authenticity (Porges, 2017). So we people-please, not out of love, but out of survival.

But true kindness includes you.

Try instead: Tune into your body. A tight jaw. A clenched stomach. These signals are not weakness—they’re wisdom. Honour them. Let them guide you back to what feels aligned.

Where Might You Begin?

Reclaiming your boundaries doesn’t require a grand statement or a dramatic shift. It begins quietly. With breath. With awareness. With choice.

You might begin by...

• Regulating your nervous system before replying

• Noticing the small signs of discomfort in your body

• Practising saying no in low-pressure situations

• Letting rest become a rhythm, not a reward

• Repeating these shifts with softness and patience

This work is not about becoming hardened. It’s about becoming more whole. More rooted. More in tune with the you that exists beneath the conditioning.

Because you weren’t born disconnected. You were born with a body that felt. And it still does.

A Gentle Closing Thought

Boundary work isn’t about shutting people out. It’s about choosing to stay in—inside your own truth, your own rhythm, your own life.

As you begin to listen to your body’s whispers, you may notice something surprising. A steadiness.

A soft strength. A quiet voice that says:

This matters. I matter. And I don’t need to disappear to belong.

Let that be your compass.

With quiet clarity,

Liz

The Quiet Teacher

___

References

Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2015). Emotion regulation: Conceptual and empirical foundations. Emotion Review, 7(4), 318–323.

Tummala-Narra, P. (2021). The cultural and developmental origins of people-pleasing behaviours. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 38(2), 152–164.

Kuntz, A. M. (2020). Teacher burnout and neoliberalism: Reframing resistance. Journal of Educational Administration and History, 52(1), 65–77.

Friedman, R. A., et al. (2018). Workplace guilt and job performance: An exploration. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 23(3), 378–390.

Porges, S. W. (2017). The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe. W. W. Norton & Company.

Disclaimer

This post is intended for reflective and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you are experiencing emotional distress, burnout, or mental health challenges, please seek support from a qualified practitioner. You are worthy of care, rest, and support.